Get Anyone to Do Anything written by David Lieberman.
Does this sound manipulative!
I was very impressed with this book in fact blown away.
You see I was always the kind of person that you would describe as book smart but not street smart.
For the first time I received practical strategies that I could use to influence others instead of pie in the sky positive thinking crap spewed by most authors including the ones I admire such as Tony Robbins or John Maxwell.
It was like a blind man gaining vision.
This book uses specific psychological strategies that are independent of race, gender etc. They are driven by human nature.
Get the other person to like you
The fundamental premise of this book is that you need to get the other person to like you before you can influence him.
The author lists nine strategies to achieve this.
The first is the law of association. When you are suffering from pain then whoever it is that is with you at that moment will get associated with the pain. You will not look forward to seeing this person!
If you would desire a particular person to like then be with that person while experiencing strong emotions. Strong empotions such as the ones you experience while riding the roller coaster help bond the association.
A youthful walking posture will also help raise your attractiveness level regardless of your age.
Build rapport by imitating the gestures and speaking style of the other person. Of course do not be too obvious with this tactic. Some examples are matching the gestures, the speaking pace and so on.
The author quotes a surprising statement. In order for someone to like you it is not necessary to do good things for him. What you need to do is make the other person feel good about himself. You can do this by getting the person to do a favor for you.
Become a human lie detector
One of the neat strategies he talks about is called the ‘Connundrum’ as a great lie detector test. In this strategy you make up a story and pass it off as a fact to the unsuspecting party.
Depening on the reaction you get to your story you will get a pretty good idea of whether you are being lied to or not.
As an illustration of how you can use this strategy assume you are the wife of a husband who has claimed to be at the movies and you suspect that he actually had a romantic rendezvous with a woman.
You could make up a story about how bad the traffic was at the theatre the husband had purportedly visited. If you notice even a brief hesitation before he replies then he has already played his hand. Had he really been at the movies he would not have any trouble commenting on the traffic.
How to influence others to take action
Present fewer options. People generally either freeze or keep changing their decisions when presented with multiple options.
If you want to discourage a person from taking a specific action outline the number of steps she will need to take if she were to continue on her course of action. For e.g. to develop an acute dislike for cooking you could list the effort it will take to drive the store, walk up and down the aisles to select the purchase and then wait indefinitely at the checkout counters.
Conversely you can omit steps if you want the person to take your suggested course of action.
How to handle rude people
This one is perfect for me and not because I am rude but because I am the butt of rudeness!
I was once talking to an acquaintance about a job that he took in the NY city, a long commute from where we live. I asked him innocently why he did not chose to work at the White Plains office of his employer as that would be closer home. That was when he poured out *@#$*@#@.
So rather than reacting angrily or defensively to rude b…rs you need to throw the ball right into their court by saying something like “You seem to be having a rough day” or ” You seem very upset”.
By doing this you do not become a part of his problem. You throw the problem back into his court.
How to criticize without getting burnt by it
Criticize about something long after the event took place. This helps reduce the sting.
Criticize the action and not the person.
While criticizing convey the impression that the other person may not even have been aware of his actions that have invited your criticism.
The author lists many other strategies to handle sexual abuse and rape.
But then being a person who is not interested in raping anyone or for that matter someone who can never be the victim of rape I really was not too interested in it:)
However for the benefit of my numerous female admirers that are reading my blog ( being a realist is not one of my virtues!) here are some pointers.
- Act like you are interested in a sexual intercourse with the rapist. This will disarm him enough for you to inflict physical harm on him and escape.
- Pretend that you have a incurable and infectious disease such as AIDS.
- Act crazy. A rapist thrives on his sense of control. A crazy victim will deny him that pleasure.
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